IT’S MY FUCKING MAIL! Stop opening it and reading it.
She wonders why I don’t wanna spend time with her or talk with her anymore, like reading through my personal stuff is going to make me want to be around her any more. I found out today that her boyfriend even has a key to the apt.
Fucking heated.. I apologize for language….not at this moment, but in hindsight.
There are seven layers to the ocean.
The top one is clear, cellophane or wax paper, moves
like oil with no respect for irony.
The second layer is ocean wax, which liquefies
as it gets cold instead of hot, so ocean wax
is thinnest near the ice caps.
Layer three is made up of animals. Squid arms drift
through a sideshow of fish. Where you look, you see eyes.
Layer four is akin to hypnosis. So deep, you relax to go there.
There are still animals, eyes orange in the Halloween night, glow tape
on the theatre stairs. The slow fade begins.
Layers five and six are peelings of the abyss, the abyss and the great abyss.
People think it is silent down there, but the whales scream when
sonar bass drums itself on the ocean’s skin. Black ink on black paper.
Everything that swims has legs.
The ocean’s bottom layer is the volcano’s mistress. She kisses
the hot mouth of the earth with lips so salty, Earth sizzles, excites him
with her wetness, holds him as he grows hotter and hotter.
Fighting and making love look the same to the seventh layer of the ocean.
Either one could cause a tidal wave.
No and yes, but either way, it’s how my face legitly looks homie. I have deep set eyes with will look awful in 20 years, so sod off. >:I
It’s been through work I feel Heavenly Father’s tender mercies. I do the hair of women and watch them light up before my eyes, and I feel as if I’m definitely improving. I have a soft heart for these women. I’m able to leave my issues home and be all dolled up & happy for 10.55 an hour. I’m blessed, even with my little whiny bitch issues. He sees my heart’s intent, knows my struggle, and above all knows me personally.
My home is being changed, my comfort zone shrunk, my breakdown moments now do not have a place, and it has never been more apparent I need to be out of here.
I dunno what I want, because there’s so many damned emotions: feeling happy my mom has found someone she really likes, sorrow that I gotta drop off my cat at the shelter, happiness to be doing well at work, ashamed for not keeping my covenants, vulnerable because Mitchell is too close for my liking, and a failure at not having done anything to progress these past months.
Tonight I’ll cry it out, but tomorrow is another day full of potential.
1. Natives don’t have time for non-native people in headdresses or other sacred native regalia. If you, as a non-native, really want to respect our various cultures, pick up a damn book or goggle some shit. 2. Questions on what benefits we are getting from the government. It’s not your damn business, it’s intrusive and just plain rude. You’d be absolutely outraged if someone walked up to you and said, “So, because you’re white do you get food stamps, because statistically…” 3. The continued fetishizing of our women. Our increased risk of sexual assault, is incredible and about 70% of that those acts are perpetuated by non-native men. The “Sexy Indian” costume is offensive, the use of clothing considered sacred or otherwise related to Native peoples in a sexualized way is harmful, stop it. 4. Speaking of which, we don’t care if your best friend with the Cherokee princess great step-mother four times removed isn’t offended. As a united people those things are detrimental to us and perpetuate a continued genocide. If someone who is actually native makes those comments? Well, fuck ‘em. There isn’t time for race traitors who’d rather watch their people go down in flames, even while they too, are being burned. They do not represent every NDN and their opinions are not facts. You don’t get a free pass for their lack of involvement or empathy for their people. 5. Redskin, squaw and other slurs are un-fucking-acceptable. If you wouldn’t call someone the n-word, the g-word or any other race based slur, don’t use these. 6. Dream-catchers are beautiful. I get it, I’ve made my own mistakes in regards to them, but they are meant to be hung where you sleep. Not as tattoos, not in your car, or classroom or work space. 7. Native people can be mixed, can be white passing, can be black, can be all sorts of people. Unless they are actively using blood myths, then it isn’t your place as a non-native to go, “Whoa buddy, you sure about that?” 8. Lastly, not all of us have time to educate you, the non-native. It isn’t our duty, nor should it be expected of us. If we are kind enough to educate you, shut up and listen.